It's lonely here in my Latina box....
Yesterday evening, I had a social event for in my spiritual community. It was May 5th the day before and a lady I barely knew made a point to let me know the salad she made was made specially for Cinco de Mayo. Being polite…and hungry, I promised to sample her creation once I went to the food line, thought nothing of it. I made sure I loaded up my plate with her salad and sat down to eat. I was enjoying my meal she sat beside me and began sharing how she loves Mexican culture and that went on and on about how she was familiar with the foods of Latin culture because she lived in California for some time. Again thought nothing of it. All very cool. It took me a while, but after a few MORE minutes of her deep emphasis on her love of quesadillas, margaritas and Spanish language did I begin to understand that she was desperately was trying to make a connection with me. She knew I was Latina. I have to say, It did warm my heart to see her try to make me feel welcomed, but I wished she did not feel such an intense need to do the song and dance, for I never thought myself different, I was in my element, in my kids’ school, and I did not need comforting. Again, bless her heart, her intent was obviously to connect with me, which was more than any other adult there did, so for that I was touched. Also, while I felt wide open to chatting and felt glad for this attempt on her part, it also made me sad. Sad because the over-emphasis of our current world over these labels has helped erect a huge wall between people, a wall which very literally makes me very different in her eyes. A wall I did not know existed before. After about 20 minutes of primarily her talking, she walked away seemingly super content that she connected with me.I walked away feeling more lonely than when she first approached me. I thought to myself, “Is that how all people at the event saw me?” as a label? a token?”. I finished up and left early. No connections to be made here.
When we have a dominant culture which teaches all of us to first and foremost see each other in these boxes, through our colors, in the tribes we belong in, it’s no wonder no one knows each other beyond those rough and tumble labels. When placed in such rigid categories, It’s no wonder we assume all sort of things about one another . Yes, I am a Latina, but that is, by far, THE least interesting thing about me. Also, no one in my family eats spicy foods, and I did not even have a quesadilla until I was in my late 20’s. In situations such as these I always walk away feeling more lonely and disconnected and at times angry at not being seen for the tribe of one, the unique person I truly am, outside these labels. I look forward to the day I go to a social event and actually get asked to share my true self and not have my choices, feelings, political views, foods and culture be assumed because I belong to some category. I am Miriam first. I am a tribe of one, just like every other human out there. If we all treat each other as the tribe of one we might begin to take a bit more time to truly listen and get to know the person across from us.